Imagine you are tasked with the care of a royal child of a far off country; they are to live with you until early adulthood when they leave to reign in the new country: What would you do to ensure a smooth transition when the time comes?

We parent knowing we are stewards of lives we will one day hand off to God: we want our children to eventually know God as their true Father

Our spiritual job as parents is to help our children know God as a good Father who is:

Lord of their lives

Proverbs 3:5-6

Our spiritual job as parents is to help our children know God as a good Father who is:

Lord of their lives

Proverbs 3:5-6

The One who delights in them

Zephanaiah 3:17 (ESV)

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

Zach’s Guide to Raising Angry Children!

Give them no clear way to “win”

Compromises God as Lord

because, even though they want to do the right thing, they don’t know how or feel incapable

Compromises delight

because of an atmosphere of criticism

Handoff path:

Give clear ways to win, largely through your praise of things they are doing really well, effort you observe

5 praises to 1 criticism

Culture of praise and encouragement

Zach’s Guide to Raising Angry Children!

Be inconsistent in consequences and promises

Compromises God as Lord

because it creates a fundamental disrespect and distrust of authority

Compromises delight

because it creates resentful parents

Handoff path:

Create ways to have consistent follow-through that is age-appropriate (ex: time out - 1 minute per year)

Create something your child must face other than your anger

Zach’s Guide to Raising Angry Children!

Leave them emotionally lonely

Compromises God as Lord

by giving them a feeling that they are alone and must be their own masters

Compromises delight

because emotional loneliness creates a secret inner self which feels unworthy of care

Handoff path:

Try to step into curiosity about their emotions, help them name feelings they are experiencing

Create opportunities for fun

Make margin in the week for unscheduled together time

Zach’s Guide to Raising Angry Children!

Prioritize and connect with your kids more than you prioritize and connect with your spouse

Compromises God as Lord

Because it creates a framework where God, like the triangulated parent, can be related to as an equal

Compromises delight

Because of the emotional dependence in a triangulated relationship which makes parental delight impossible, exchanging it for something closer to spousal delight

Because it creates feelings of jealousy and betrayal in the other spouse

Handoff path:

Keep regular date nights and work toward increasing emotional intimacy with your spouse

This is harder than it is with children, but the results are worth it

If you are a single parent, prioritize emotionally fulfilling and intimate relationships with friends and adult family members

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Making the Handoff Doable

Family devotions (be flexible!)

Jesus Storybook Bible

Audio dramas of Bible stories (Adventures in Odyssey)

Media series (The Chosen, The Chosen Adventures)

Making the Handoff Doable

Scripture memory - Psalm 119:11

Make it fun!

Celebrate when someone memorizes a verse

Making the Handoff Doable

Have “dates” with your kids (but only if you are already having dates with your spouse)

Rules:

Time limited

Your child picks what you do

No criticism or teachable moments

Making the Handoff Doable

Ask trusted friends to invest in your children

Making the Handoff Doable

Pray over your kids

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)